006 · Learning As I Go
on learning, self-compassion, embracing wabi-sabi, and some work/life updates.
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I ~ PERPETUAL STUDENT
Over the past few months I have been playing the role of student. I have been learning how to tuft rugs, experimenting with paint, and I recently enrolled in a ceramics class (something that I’ve always wanted to try!) Expanding my art practice is something that is so important to me, but also feels extremely vulnerable. For years i’ve joked that i’m driven by my discomfort of being bad at things, but sitting in my first ceramics class, covered in clay and feeling ridiculous, I had a realization.
As a neurodivergent person, diagnosed in my adult life with ADHD, being in a classroom setting has always felt really challenging.
I arrived late and unprepared on my first day, immediately feeling my own insecurities rushing over me. In class, my eyes often darted around the room to compare my own progress to others. Why did everyone else seem to understand except for me?
I envisioned my child form, feeling frustration with myself because it just wasn’t clicking. In fact, it wasn’t even until my third class that the concept of wheel throwing actually made sense to me and by then, my peers had already advanced to a new topic.
I don’t actually dislike being bad at things. I dislike that I grew up in learning environments where I felt, and was often told, that my learning style was weird or different, and even worse, not encouraged.
In fact, I don’t even know if it’s possible to be “bad at things.” Doesn’t struggling with something just mean you need to spend more time with it in order to get good?
After my first pottery class I cried. I cried for my younger self who needed support and patience growing up. I cried because, despite not fully understanding pottery now, I would eventually - because everything happens on time. I cried because I needed to be told these things at a time when it mattered most.
During the drive home, I held space for the child that felt strange and different and did not have the vocabulary for those feelings. I held space for feeling frustrated and not good enough and even held space for feeling silly and messy and clumsy and curious.
It was naive of me to think that just because I haven’t sat in a classroom in eight years, that I’ve graduated from being a student. No matter who you are or where you live/have lived, we are all constantly learning.
I am grateful that this class has brought me closer to healing something I didn’t know needed attention. We should all do things that feel uncomfortable on our own terms and in our own time. And being bad at things, gracefully, until we become good at those things, is a skill in itself.
II~ JOY OF IMPERFECTION
Much of my work is fueled by my ability to embrace transience and imperfection and find beauty in mistakes. If my work ever felt perfect or finished, then it wouldn't feel mine. For the past year, I have been exploring philosophies surrounding this.
A big source of inspiration for me is the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi. This philosophy states that all things, including ourselves and life itself, are impermanent, incomplete, and imperfect - making perfection impossible.
Taken individually, wabi and sabi are two separate concepts:
Wabi is about recognizing beauty in humble simplicity.
Sabi explores the the way all things experience time - grow, age, and decay, and how it manifests itself beautifully in objects, especially in nature.
Roman emperor, Marcus Aurelius, observed the splitting of freshly baked bread and admired it’s beauty. The French coined the term ‘jolie laide’ to describe things - often women and wine - that are unconventionally beautiful.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how there are a lot of Italian words meaning ‘imperfect’ to describe food. Oh yeah - in addition to learning how to tuft, paint and throw clay, I’ve also been learning Italian.
In Italian, the word 'malfatti’ means “badly formed” but are also very tasty gnocchi-like dumplings filled with spinach and cheese. There’s also the Negroni Sbagliato - Sbagliato meaning “mistake” - made with prosecco instead of gin to transform the drink into an even tastier variation.
What would happen if we stopped chasing perfection? Or if we acknowledged that perfection is not something real or attainable?
Self-compassion is not something that comes easy for me, despite my ability to appreciate the quirkiness and flaws in my work. I will always be learning how to be more compassionate with myself, but some things that have helped are:
Approaching situations with a growth mindset (knowing I will not immediately grasp something but choosing to focus on the lessons not just the outcome.)
Being confident in my ability to reach the outcome, no matter how I get there.
Honoring my inner child in situations where negative thoughts sneak in.
III~ SHOW/TELL
I have been working on so many exciting projects for my clients that I cannot wait to share with you all. Waiting for the right time to post about projects is literally the hardest part of my job.
This past month I did something I never thought i’d ever have the ability to do and I hired a friend to help package orders and handle wholesale operations for me. Between my personal art practice, running my shop, and being a full time designer, I have been feeling a lot of overwhelm. If you have placed a wholesale order with me over the last few months, thank you for your patience with me as an extremely small business! My hope is to strengthen and expand my shop offerings and have more time to create in the upcoming months now that I have an employee to help lighten the load.
I plan to re-open my online shop mid-November and will share new products and a lineup of holiday pop-ups very soon. Keep your eyes peeled!
I have continued my Weekly Sketchbook Series on Instagram and am having a lot of fun sharing my doodles with the world. I recently purchased the Nina Cosford sketchbook and I really enjoy drawing in it.
Postcards I designed for L.B. Kitchen are now available in their cute all day cafe!
May this week ahead teach you something new.
XOXO,
🌀Email: hello@melandrel.com